Blasphemous E-mail Jokes

I think we all get these jokes from time to time in e-mails from well-meaning friends, that are actually blasphemous. You know the kind - cutesy, supposedly "harmless fun" type jokes about the Bible or Jesus or Christianity in general.

I recently received one from a friend, and felt I had to say something about it to him. I'm not sure I actually want to share it here, but I feel it might be beneficial to do so, so you can see for yourself how bad it is, and jokes that are like it.

I'll also include a portion of what I wrote to my friend without his name.

Here's the story/joke that's spreading around, even by some Christians who may not know better:

"A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden......Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other peop le to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet yourneighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, b ut that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
-------You must share this delightful story! --------"

If you are a Christian, I hope you can see the blasphemy here.

Its sad to say that what [was] sent [to] me here, is actually the way that many people today really see the Bible. But, instead of being funny, its a testimony to how weak the teaching is in many churches today. I hope the "child", (although the writer didn't seem like one, but rather a scoffing, mocker of Christianity), will grow up in serious study of God's Word, as should we all. As this kind of joke is spread around the internet, it will cause many to stumble and not take God's Word seriously. We already see how people scoff at, and mock Christianity. We do not need to add to that by spreading these kinds of jokes.

The true Word of God is what man will be judged by, according to Jesus.
John 12:48
"He who rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him—the word that I have spoken will judge him in the last day."

And also, Jesus said, in Matthew 24:36, "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement."

Lets not speak (or write) idly about God's Word, but hold it up in reverence! Better to do away with Bible jokes, and be serious about it [instead].

The Lord has been convicting me of my sins of not taking His Word seriously. When we think or speak lightly of His Word, we think or speak lightly of Him. And He doesn't take that lightly!

I'm not saying this in anger, so please don't take it that way. May the Lord work in [all] our hearts to bring us to repent of our known sins, and bring us to a greater love and reverence for Him!

If you receive a joke or story like the one above, please delete it and do not spread it. If you, as a Christian are forwarding and spreading these kinds of jokes and stories, then I believe you are sinning, and causing harm to the body of Christ. So please, whenever you receive one, delete it and even write back to the sender telling them not to send those kinds of things to you.

Promote reverence for the Word of God, not jokes!

Chris

The Book

I was just thinking a little bit while watching a video on Answers in Genesis. I have come across people who discredit Christianity by claiming that the Bible is just some old book. They think its full of fairy tales, like the Flood of Noah, and such. They won't trust this Book! They believe we shouldn't trust it either.

But why do so many people trust so many other books. I grew up trusting that encyclopedias were true and I always trusted them to be accurate, and never doubted. Why? Because I was always taught that the information in them was trustworthy. Teachers, my parents , and others gave me confidence in those books, all throughout my school years.

I used to (and still do) like dinosaurs. I believed every "science" book that taught how dinosaurs evolved and how man evolved too. No one EVER told me to question those books.

I was taught that fiction was make-believe. ok, fine. I was taught that science books were true and so were text-books, etc. So I never doubted them. But when it came to the Bible, there was always sort of a big, mysterious question mark about it. I wasn't really taught that it was a FACTUAL HISTORY book, even though growing up Catholic. I was not told that it was fiction either, but I sort of believed that the stories of the Bible (like the Flood, and the Parting of the Red Sea, etc) were things that happened in some mystical time and place far away and long ago. The Bible was a good book to live your life by, basically, but somehow, in my mind it never seemed to really be either fact or fiction. It was something to "believe", but yet it wasn't fact-based true reality, like "science".

It was never really impressed upon me that these were REAL EVENTS that actually happened to REAL PEOPLE, on this Earth, in REAL HISTORY!

Its really obvious to me now, as a Christian, how falsely indoctrinated and blinded people are. It's nothing new, of course. We are all blinded because of our sin nature. We all once loved the darkness and hated the light, until God in His own sovereign will saved us and in so doing, changed us (Christians), and enabled us to know and believe the truth. Only God can do that.

But, on top of our own sinful blinded nature, add the other things that are piling blindness on top of blindness to people. We are taught that evolution is true, all throughout our school years, and no-one tells us to question that, so we don't. And then when someone does question it, it seems like HERESY! "What? You mean you believe that book, the Bible? Science has disproven that!" And they laugh. These are unbelievers.

Sadly, many Christians agree with them! If they are believers at all, somehow they haven't been taught that the Bible is really a FACTUAL HISTORY book! Everything in there actually happened. It makes no sense to believe in fairy tales, but it makes great sense to believe in the truth. Not just philosophical 'truth', but actual historical fact. Why base our entire belief on a book unless it really IS TRUE?

Maybe the next time someone challenges me saying that the Bible is just a book made up by men, I think I'd like to ask them why they never questioned whether the encyclopedias were true or not. They were written by men too, after all. And Maybe I'd ask them, "Isn't it true that you believe what you believe because some 'scientists' said it was true? And you didn't question it? Why?Scientists are just fallible men and they make mistakes all the time. We see that in the fact that they continually revise their 'theories'." (And in the case of evolution, these 'theories' have been taught as 'fact', and shoved down all of our throats for many years.)

But the Bible is God's own revelation of Himself.

Of course, Only God can regenerate a person, not my words. Just a thought.

Chris